Stop trying to see yourself in their dysfunctional mirror
***Disclaimer- I am not a licensed therapist or clinician. I’m just a human in the world and my opinions, observations, and speculations are for entertainment purposes only and under no circumstance should be considered a diagnosis or medical advice. ***
I like many others spent countless hours trying to figure out how to portray myself to the “difficult” people in my life in a way they could better understand, digest, and embrace openly. Little did I know I failed before I started; Sometimes people need to believe you exist the way they perceive you. Sometimes people aren’t interested in understanding you or giving you the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people don’t have the tools or bandwidth to see anything that isn’t about them. I imagine they are so desperately trying to get away from their own discomfort and dissatisfaction with themselves and their lives, anyone they encounter is either a trigger, a projection dumping ground for their uncomfortable self beliefs, or a trigger vulnerable enough to be exploited into into a projection dumping groundown with a little time and elbow grease.
They take advantage of their role in your life; Mother, father, sister, best friend, to they exploit your vulnerabilities under the guise of “Love and concern”…The arsenic of relational exploitation. Typically you’re beaten to an emotional pulp before you catch on to what is happening making it very difficult to push back or make changes. You’re left with breadcrumbs of hope for loving belonging and you fight tooth in nail for them like a feast. If somebody critiques or offers unsolicited criticism to you on a regular basis, it’s easy to ignore it to keep the peace; Rock that boat anyway. Love and friendship is not constant put downs and criticisms; I’ve always seen that behavior as a game people play to keep you jumping through hoops like a circus poodle hoping that the next fiery Circle will prove to them that you are worthy and an equal; it won’t. While their short-term game is win/lose the long-term game is to keep you playing, because if you’re playing it distracts them from their own miserable existence. If they were the person you thought they were you would never be in that position, I know it’s easy to get caught in the “why” of things; but I think the “why” is usually a complex dark in broken cluster fuck of all their unresolved issues, so I’ll offer you a benchmark answer that question, understand that your lack of understanding is OK and a deliberate attempt to keep you engaged. You will never have the real answer because the real answer is: whatever keeps you playing their game in the long run. It will never be admitted out loud, and will change as necessary to keep you stuck.” Speaking well or complementary of you makes it difficult for them to degrade you later, so why would they create extra work for themselves? Their only objective is to keep you running their crazy maze for their entertainment delight and gratification at all costs, why would you trust anybody like that with your pizza order much less happiness and sense of self?!
