That is probably the most authentic and sincere advice I’ve ever seen given under these circumstances on a public platform. I applaud you, as you absolutely nailed it.
I’ve been estranged from my family for a year and a half and the one factor that never ceases to amaze me, is my parents seemingly dedicated commitment to treat our estrangement as a win lose transaction. Comparable to a game of emotional chicken there seems to be one objective; to win. To prove to me how erasable I was and that any objection to their behavior or treatment of me would result in such measures. It was never about a conversation between us about what is and isn’t working in our relationship and collectively working to find a solution agreeable to both parties; it was simply to annihilate the other. From what I read that dynamic is not all that uncommon these days. It seems to be an epidemic robs robs loved ones of one another. Although I won’t profess to believe I can read my parents mind, I get the impression that to them admitting any kind of affection for me or dismay at our fractured relationship would somehow leave them vulnerable to me and my entities; they believe I’m so crawl and twisted I would use their vulnerabilities to exploit and humiliate them simply because I could. Doesn’t say much in their confidence for how they raised their children does it? Truth is, that I did never crossed my mind (Although I would argue it’s a glaring example of their projection of their thoughts and attitude.) I don’t believe for a minute that I haven’t played a role and contributing to the breakdown of our relationship conscious or otherwise. What I can’t do is repair a relationship with a false narrative. I can’t have a healthy mutually reciprocal relationship with someone unwilling to acknowledge their contributions, or their commitment I to a flawless identity. that is part in something like this is that we as estranged children understand that our parents are multifaceted flawed human beings. We vein their honesty and candor in this matter with immense respect and affection. The same way we view their denial, justification, and self righteousness with pity and foolishness for letting their ego take over.