This month marks two years that I’ve been estranged from my family. Anyone on this journey will tell you it’s an emotional combination of Joy, peace, freedom, horror, disbelief, and agony. No one grows up waiting for they day they are no longer able to connect and communicate with their family in any meaningful way. To add insult to injury, I noticed recently what I called the “estrangement double tap” that comes with the assigned role of “child” regardless of age. It seems like the general public struggles with…

Keyhole Compassion in Family Estrangement

“You know, I’m sure your dad would be a great resource for some of these questions.” My heart drops. We’ve known john and his family through our church for years. They are kind people; generous, and thoughtful. I’m in the process of buying my first home, and John’s been talking me through the process which is a relief because I don’t the first thing about buying a home. He knows there’s family conflict, but what extent; I don’t know. His words are well intended, but It’s moments like these that I feel defeated.

Anyone who’s…

To: Our Estranged Parents|From: Your Adult Children

Dear Parents,

Whether we cut ties with you or you cut ties with us, the experience was terrifying, agonizing, and devastating. We loved you. We desperately wanted to you to love us, to be proud of us, and be present in our lives. We grow up with friends who had present, loving parents; and it only serves to further drive our sense of loneliness and isolation. True, it’s not fair to compare families; but we don’t believe that’s what you’re ultimately upset with.

One of the many ways you underestimate us is your…

Enduring Mistreatment Is Not Currency To Be Used At A Later Date And Recipients Are Not Entitled To Pay It Forward

“You think you’ve had it hard? Compared to my life, yours has been a dream.” “I would trade childhoods for yours in a second.” “My parents were wayyyy harder on me, and do you see me complaining?” “I may not have been a perfect parent, but you weren’t a perfect child either” “I’ve told you over and over; you’re listening to the wrong voices in your head.” “You will NEVER feel loved by others until you love yourself.”


How I Forgave Them

Let me preface that forgiveness is unique to each induvidual. Everyone has a right to their experience without being pressured and shamed out of it by those around you so THEY can be comfortable. I have friends in similar circumstance who believe “forgiveness” is for those who are sorry, and I get that. This is simply my story.

My relationship with my nuclear family (Mom, Dad, Brother) had always been strained. I moved across the country six years ago, and not surprisingly in hindsight; things didn’t get better. It wasn’t until my divorce from an abusive…

It’s been a year and half since I became estranged from my family. I was 35 and in the midst of a contentious divorce from an addict. Needless to say, timing was not optimal. While I was blindsided at the time, looking back it was more like swallowing the reality of everything I never wanted to admit to myself about our relationship was true; in one giant razor sharp pill. Crushed, broken, and paralyzed with fear, I sat in disbelief of what had happened in a way that still hurts to this day. It was like being unplugged from the…

Cesaly Blake

Daughter, Sister, Friend.

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